


Blissfully Oblivious

by GenuinelyAuthentic



Category: The 100
Genre: Angst, College AU, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Soccer, Straight Clarke Griffin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-06-24 02:04:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15620070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuinelyAuthentic/pseuds/GenuinelyAuthentic
Summary: Lexa felt foolish for wanting something more with Clarke but she was beginning to think it was a never ending cycle. She knew to never, under any circumstance, fall for a straight girl. Yet, here she was pining over her straight best friend.My goal for this story is for it to be as realistic as possible which means it will probably be incredibly angsty, so beware.





	1. "Don't I always?"

As she applies her makeup, she’s assuming she’s only about 10 minutes away from being able to walk out the door. “Lex, you ready? I think I’m almost done,” Clarke yells down the hallway where she presumes her best friend is lounging on the couch.

“Yes Clarke, I’m the one that came over here after I was ready, remember?” Lexa rolls her eyes as she haphazardly rolls off the couch and heads down the hallway to Clarke’s room. Once she reaches her destination, she begins checking herself out in the mirror. “Do you think I look okay?,” she looks down at her Doc Martens, black ripped skinny jeans, and her usual flannel. She turns her attention to where Clarke has her face stuffed in a mirror trying to make sure her mascara is applied just right.

“Yes Lexa, you always look good. Let’s be real, half of the girls that will be at this party are secretly just waiting on you to show up. Speaking of, will a lot of your teammates be there?”

“Shut up, Clarke. No they wont,” Lexa blushes and turns her face in hopes Clarke doesn’t poke fun at her. “I believe so. A few of them told me they would definitely be there during practice yesterday.” Lexa turns back around to Clark and says “Okay seriously let’s go, I’ve been waiting on you for almost an hour. By the time we get to this party everyone is probably already going to be sufficiently drunk and we will be playing catch up all night.”

Clarke turns around and gives Lexa a look of annoyance until she realizes she is probably right. This is this first party of the year at UCLA, which guarantees that it’s going to get out of hand very quickly. Raven already left an hour and a half ago and if she knows anything about that girl then she’s already 5 shots deep and double fisting a couple of mixed drinks. Raven has probably already grabbed Tobin, Lexa’s teammate, and challenged two of the soccer guys into a round of beer pong. “You’re probably right, let’s head that way,” Clarke says as she hops up and grabs Lexa’s hand and pulls them out the door.

During the walk, Lexa allows herself to sneak a peek at Clarke’s outfit. She’s rocking a black romper with her hair down and damn it, if Lexa’s quick glance didn’t turn into a stare. She quickly looks ahead while chastising herself about checking out her best friend, straight best friend at that. She thought the distance during summer would help clear any remanence of the crush she’s been harboring for Clarke. They had become fast friends when meeting for the first time at an orientation mixer during their freshman year. She had taken notice that Clarke was attractive but the feelings she began to grow for her were never intentional, it’s like one day she woke up and they were sitting heavy on her chest. She has tried multiple times to get over it and just move forward but its like she's stuck on a merry-go-round, anytime that she thought progress was being made, it would smack her right back in the face. The worst part is that she knows Clarke is straight and knew it from the start of their friendship. The very first party they went to together, Clarke had all but made out with a baseball player in front of everyone. She had  only ever dated guys and had once said that vaginas kinda freak her out. Lexa felt foolish for wanting something more with Clarke but she was beginning to think it was a never ending cycle. She knew to never, under any circumstance, fall for a straight girl. Yet, here she was pining over her straight best friend. She shakes her head, while promising herself she will figure out a way to move past this because it's only going to continually hurt her.

Lexa nearly falls over as Clarke knocks their shoulders together and looks at her, “Where’s that pretty head of yours?”

“Oh nowhere, just thinking about how I’m going to regret this tomorrow when I’m running full field sprints.” Lexa easily lies. She's getting good at that, she thinks.

“Reason 5,609 that I don’t play a sport. Tonight will be worth it though! It’s the first party of the year, so everyone will be there! I already shot a text to Octavia and she said that Raven is already trying to grind up on every guy and girl she comes into contact with.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me, she’s such a tease,” Lexa laughs. “I’m sure it’ll be a great time. Do you know who else will be there?”

“Hmm well I know Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, Lincoln, and Anya will be there. I’m sure the majority of the guys soccer team will be there since it’s at their house. Actually, I’m almost positive all the athletic teams will be there as well as some stragglers.”

As they walk up to the house, they can already hear the music pounding throughout the house. Lexa opens up the door and is hit with the smell of sweat, alcohol and an overwhelming amount of cologne. The house is so crowded with people that they can hardly fit into the front door.

“Well, well, look who decided to finally show up,” the men’s soccer captain, Alex, says with his eyes on Clarke. Lexa rolls her eyes, she knows they hooked up last year and and all but Alex is already undressing her with his eyes. “Can I get you girls something to drink?” he asks in his Scottish accent.

Clarke shoots him a flirty smile, “I think we are a little behind on the drinking so I’m thinking we could stand a few shots. What do you think, Lex?”

Lexa nods and they are immediately being dragged into the kitchen where Alex starts grabbing the mini solo cups to pour their shots into. He turns to them and says “What about some tequila to start out with?” Clarke shoots him a thumbs up and quickly two shots are being thrusted into their hands. “I’m going to go entertain some guests but Clarke feel free to come find me later, I’d love to catch up with you,” he gives her a wink and turns to head back into the living room. They turn toward each other with a quick cheer to junior year, and cringe as the alcohol burns their throats on the way down.

“So are you planning on doing that?” Lexa blushes and quickly corrects herself by saying, “Uh I mean like catch up with him or whatever.”

Clarke giggles as she feels the warmth of the tequila settle in her stomach and says “I don’t know, all that training has definitely done him well over the summer. We will see where the night takes me, I guess.”

“Right,” Lexa’s stomach drops and she tries to think of anything besides Clarke letting Alex fuck her again. “Okay, well I’m going to go hunt down some of my teammates so I’m guessing I’ll see you in a bit?”

Clarke nods, “Okay cool, I was actually going to go see if any of my nursing friends decided to show up tonight. I’m sure we will meet again at the beer pong table later so be ready to kick some serious ass.” She winks and turns around heading to the dance floor.

Lexa finds her teammates surrounding the beer pong table. Raven and Tobin are facing a pair of the soccer guys, in what seems to be the most intense game she’s ever witnessed. Christen, Octavia, and Kelley surround the table with a look of concentration on their faces. However, the seriousness disappears when they spot Lexa walking toward the table. Before she is even able to say “hey”, Raven has already jumped into her arms while nearly knocking them into the wall.

“Damn, it’s about time you finally showed up!” Raven shouts into her ear.

Lexa smiles while setting Raven down, “I came with Clarke, so I had to wait on her for what seemed like years.”

“Well at least you are here in time to watch us beat Stuart and Micah’s ass in this game. Come on.”

After chatting with her teammates, they quickly decide Lexa is entirely too sober. Kelley, makes her a mixed drink and shoves her toward the table to play with Christen, the other starting striker on their team. As it turns out, they are a deadly duo on and off the field. They are playing their 4th team and have shown no signs of stopping. Lexa looks over as Christen sinks the last ball, effectively winning yet another game. Cheers are heard throughout the room, as Lexa jumps into Christen’s arms and they begin celebrating. She looks at the tan brunette with green eyes and begins wondering why she’s never noticed how strikingly pretty she is.

“I see you’ve found a new partner, traitor,” Lexa hears behind her. She lets go of the tanned girl and turns around to see Clarke smiling at her.

“Oops,” Lexa says with a shrug and begins telling Clarke all about how she fingered a ball out the cup and won the game for them.

Two hours later, Clarke is leaning up against the wall chatting with Alex about her medical trip to Haiti during the summer. As he begins to tell Clarke about going back home to Scotland for a few weeks, she notices Lexa and Raven are grinding in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. That’s new, she thinks. Raven’s arm is latched onto Lexa’s neck while her hips sway to Yeah by Usher. She turns back to Alex, he looks really good she decides. He is 6 foot tall with curly brown hair, blue eyes, and the perfect amount of scruff on his face. It also doesn’t help that she remembers what he's like in the bedroom. Damn it, she thinks as she grabs onto his arm and looks into his eyes.

“I’m sorry to cut this short but I just realized the time and as you can see,” Clarke points to Lexa on the dance floor, “I need to get that one back to her apartment or she won’t be making it back to practice tomorrow.”

His face falls, but he nods in understanding. “That’s okay, maybe we can continue this another time?”

“Definitely,” she says with a quick kiss to the cheek.

Thirty minutes later, Clarke’s back is aching and there is sweat pooled on her lower back. As it turns out, Lexa was extremely drunk and it took a lot of muscle and holding her up to get her back into the apartment safe and sound. Currently, Lexa is sprawled out in nothing but her sports bra and boxers, mumbling about how much she loves Khaleesi, and that she’s sure she will cry if Khaleesi doesn’t get the throne. Clarke begins chuckling to herself and is brought back to one of the first times she ever hung out with Lexa.

_“You don’t watch Game of Thrones?” Lexa questions as Clarke begins to shake her head. “I-I mean.. I’m kinda appalled right now. It’s only one of the biggest shows out right now. The actresses/actors, the storyline, and the cinematography of the show are insane. The majority of other shows pale in comparison to how well this show is made. It’s just... how have you not watched it?”_

_“Honestly, I’ve been meaning to but I’ve just been busy!”Clarke tries to defend herself. “I was in multiple clubs and extracurricular activities in high-school and I just felt like I had no time to sit down and enjoy the show. Plus, I’ve heard it’s not a show you can watch while browsing your phone or working on homework,” Clarke comments as she takes a sip of her white mocha._

_“It’s definitely not. Well this means we have to binge the show one weekend. I’ll even try to keep my commentary to a minimum. However, when it turns to Khaleesi’s point of view I can’t make any promises. I have the biggest girl crush on that woman, well I mean real crush,” Lexa says and quickly begins blushing. She promised herself before coming to college that she would stop awkwardly “coming out” to people because she believes it’s not necessary anymore. She had way too many uncomfortable experiences in high-school, just ask Anya. So she consciously decided to discuss her sexuality in everyday conversation. Does that make it any easier? Fuck no, she thinks as she looks down at her hands and back up to Clarke._

_“Oh-oh,” it's like a light bulb went off in Clarke’s head as her eyes got bigger. Before Clarke gets out anything else Lexa is already talking again._

_“I’m sorry I just dropped it like that, I hope you don’t have a problem with it.”_

_“What? Are you kidding? It’s not an issue! My best friend, Raven, is bisexual and I’m totally all about equality. I have even been to a few pride parades, much to my mother’s dismay. I’m just surprised is all, I kinda like that you just put it out there Lexa; I know it takes a lot of guts to do that, you should be proud of yourself,” Clarke pauses and then begins again, “so any hot girls that you’re fucking?”_

_Lexa almost spits out her coffee and glances around the cafe to make sure no one is listening to their conversation. “No I’m single and I’m not uh ya know fucking anyone. Um what about you?” Lexa stammers._

_“I actually broke up with my boyfriend right before coming to college, we dated for about a year but I knew it wasn’t going to end up anywhere and didn’t want to be held back the next four years. I fully plan on taking advantage of these college boys,” Clarke winks._

_“Anyway, you have a crush on a character named Casey? I would be down for a marathon so I can tease you about it.”_

_Lexa begins laughing and says, “It’s Khaleesi, and you will quickly develop a girl crush so I’m not even worried.”_

Clarke is startled by Lexa grabbing her arm and pulling her down into the bed with her. “Clarke, will you stay and cuddle with me?”

“Yes, don’t I always?”

“No, not when your hooking up with guys.” Lexa mumbles.

She furrows her brows because it sounded a bit harsh coming from Lexa. She peaks over at her and realizes she’s already falling asleep so she gets up and changes into one of Lexa’s large T-shirts forgetting about the conversation. She quickly grabs Lexa’s phone and sets an alarm for 10:00AM to prevent her from oversleeping. She slides under the covers until she’s directly behind Lexa and pulls her into her front, effectively being the big spoon and closes her eyes.

“I in love you,” Clarke hears Lexa say. She quietly chuckles because Lexa is so bad with words when she’s drunk. She squeezes her stomach, “I love you too, Goober.”


	2. "I wouldn't miss it"

> Clarke’s eyes began bugging out of her head as she looks down at the tenth “select all that apply” question on her first Medical-Surgical test. Fuck me, she thinks, as she begins scribbling down all the information she remembers on Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder. Nursing has always been her first career choice and she’s ecstatic to be a bedside nurse and take care of patients one day. It’s been her dream since she was nine years old. She remembers it like yesterday, all those days in the hospital, watching how much the nurses cared for her father when he was sick. She wants to be that for someone,to be able to make a difference in someone’s life by giving hands-on care and offering comfort in difficult times. 
> 
> Despite this being what she wants and has aspired to be, her mother couldn’t disagree more with her. She wants Clarke to follow in her foot steps and become a doctor. That’s great, but it’s not what she wants to do and she has stubbornly argued with her mom over it for years on end. _You’ll make more money Clarke, haven’t you thought about that and what it means for your future?_ She remembers her mom saying over dinner last summer. 
> 
> “You’ve got ten minutes of class left”, Clarke vaguely hears her teachers European accent over her thoughts. She puts her pencil up to her face and lightly begins pressing on her chin as if that will magically push the answer into her brain. _Always choose assess and airway_ , she begins thinking to herself as she bubbles in C, D, and E for her final answer. She sneaks a peak at the clock in the front of the room that reads 13:45. Five minutes later, she’s done going over her scantron and begins packing her belongings. Excitement is starting to bubble in her stomach as she walks toward the front of the room because her and Lexa have plans to go to the beach for the latter half of the day. Due to Lexa’s late soccer practices and Clarke’s busy school schedule, they haven’t got to spend much quality time together. On her way to the car, she pulls out her phone and sends a text to Lexa letting her knows she’s on the way, and hops into her old white BMW. 
> 
> Lexa’s phone vibrates in her pocket and she begins trying to fish it out. She gets a fluttery feeling in her stomach when she sees Clarke’s name pop on her phone signaling that she’s on her way to pick her up. She looks at the screen saver on her phone and smiles, it’s her favorite picture of them. Clark is sitting in Lexa’s lap with their cheeks pressed together and they are both sporting radiant smiles at their favorite bowling alley. Lexa jumps when she hears a horn outside and peeks her head through the blinds as Clarke pulls up with her windows down, big sunglasses on, and hair blowing in the wind. She grabs her bag and throws on her Ray-bans as she bounds down the few steps of her apartment. She plops herself down in the worn-out leather seats and leans over to give Clarke a bear hug. She’d missed her more than she would like to admit. They had only been able to grab a quick lunch or coffee in between classes together and were typically surrounded by their friends. 
> 
> “So how was your first test of the semester?” Lexa asks as she lets go of Clarke. 
> 
> “It fucking sucked. There were at least ten “select all that apply” and it was only a forty question test! I swear these teachers get off on that shit,” Clarke says as she pulls on the highway. 
> 
> “Damn, I’m sorry. I’m sure you did great though. You got all A’s last semester, I’m sure this year will be no different,” Lexa encourages.
> 
> “Thanks Lex, I’m just worried because this is supposed to be the make it or break it class and after that test, I’m not feeling very confident.” 
> 
> Lexa grabs her phone and pulls up Apple Music while plugging in the Auxiliary cord, “Well it’s a good thing we are taking a much needed beach day, what about some music to jam out to?”
> 
> “Yes please, how about some Halsey?” Clarke smiles over at Lexa. Lexa nods as she hits play and begins drumming her fingers to the beat. 
> 
> “Hey, I’m really glad we’re doing this. I’ve missed you these last couple of weeks,” Clarke confesses as she grabs Lexa’s hand a few minutes later. 
> 
> “I’ve missed you too, Clarke. Hopefully things will calm down since the semester is in full swing now. I feel like I haven’t seen Anya in ages and she’s my roommate,” Lexa laughs as she threads their fingers together out of habit. She loves holding Clarke’s hand and maybe it’s just her being a hopeless romantic, but they fit pretty damn well together. She can’t help but think maybe Clarke feels that way too because more often than not Clarke is the one initiating the contact. She looks out at the scenery as the lyrics to “Bad at Love” sound around them.
> 
> She smiles because her heart is happy and Clarke is choosing to spend time with her instead of the new guy she’s talking to. _Or not so new_ , Lexa thinks. Bellamy is Octavia’s older brother and he’s super attractive because even if Lexa likes women, she does have eyes. He’s almost 6 foot tall, has curly brown hair, chocolate eyes, and looks like he’s been working out since he was a child. He’s been in their friend group since freshman year but only recently has Lexa been noticing the way they look at each other and how often they spend time together. Her heart is happy but she can’t fully embrace it because it’s fleeting. She looks back over at Clarke and can’t help the feeling of content she feels that settles in her chest. Maybe this is enough for her, being able to spend quality time with Clarke, hold her hand, and cuddle when she sleeps over. She knows she’s only fooling herself but wishes it were that easy. Lexa’s chest starts to feel heavy at the thought so she reluctantly lets go of Clarke’s hand as they pull into the public access parking lot. 
> 
> “Finally,” Clarke says as she plops onto the towel next to Lexa’s in the sand. 
> 
> “I doubt I will be able to last long in this heat without hopping in the ocean” Lexa states. 
> 
> “Agreed, so how is soccer? Isn’t your first official game next week?”
> 
> “Yeah we play Stanford for the first game of the season which is super unfortunate but I think it’ll be a great game. Our team is super solid, our attacking game only continues to improve so I have a feeling we will do pretty well this year.” Lexa glances over at Clarke through the sun, ”Do you think you’ll be able to make it to the game? It’s at home.” 
> 
> “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it,” Clarke says as she looks over at Lexa, ”maybe I’ll even paint my stomach for you.”
> 
> Lexa starts giggling imagining Clarke with a tank top rolled up underneath her boobs and a big 13 written on her belly. People love to do that at games and it’s a running joke between the two that started at the first soccer game Clarke attended. 
> 
> “Yeah I bet you will,” Lexa says as she rolls over and pokes Clarke in the stomach. “Are your wanting to show off those abs you’ve been working on?”
> 
> “How ever did you know?” Clarke says as she fakes innocence while simultaneously dropping sand on Lexa’s body. 
> 
> “Clarke! You know I hate that shit!” Lexa shrieks as she gets up and starts stalking to the ocean. Right before she is waist deep, Clarke tackles her causing them both to be fully submerged in water.
> 
> “You know you love me babe,” Lexa hears as she comes up for air and begins wiping her eyes. Before she’s able to respond, she feels Clarke wrap her legs around her waist, her arms around her neck, and a quick kiss to her cheek. Lexa can feel her face turning red and hopes to God she can just blame it on the sun. This kind of behavior isn’t unusual between the two, but with Lexa’s growing attraction to Clarke, it’s been rather difficult not to have a physical response to the close proximity.  
> 
> "Yeah yeah whatever,” Lexa mutters as she puts her arms around Clark’s lower back and pretends to look at something in the water. “So Raven told me something interesting the other day.” 
> 
> “Oh God, what’d she tell you?” 
> 
> “She maybe mentioned that you tripped down the stairs and uh,” Lexa starts laughing, “put a hole in the drywall.” 
> 
> Clarke groans as she throws her head back, “that bitch, she promised me she wouldn’t tell anyone about my incident! I’m pretty sure I have bruises from that, on my body and my ego.” 
> 
> “At least only Raven saw it unlike that one time on your way to class.”
> 
> Clarke gives Lexa side eye as she begins flushing with embarrassment. It was officially her first day of nursing school, so of course she came overly prepared. She had her Fundamentals of Nursing, Health Assessment, Pharmacology, and ATI books in her back pack. As she went to take the first step up the stairs her foot didn’t quite make full contact, instead her toe knocked the edge of the concrete. On any other given day, she could of played it off and continued up the stairs. However, with all those books and water in her back pack, she couldn’t actually hold her self up. She landed roughly on her knees and the momentum of the books made her upper body slam against the concrete. As if fate hadn’t dealt her a bad card that day, the stairs were directly in front of the windows to her first class. For two weeks after, she had huge bruises on her knees that she got endlessly teased about. 
> 
> “Please don’t remind me, that was like top five most embarrassing moments,” Clarke cringes and lays her head on Lexa’s shoulder as the water laps up around them. 
> 
> “You have those a lot Clarke,” Lexa laughs and tries to think of anything but the butterflies in her stomach. 
> 
> “Hey now,” Clarke says as she starts to tickle Lexa and demand an apology. 
> 
> “Okay okay! I didn’t mean it Clarke, you are not embarrassing at all,” Lexa huffs and tries to reign in her laugh.
> 
> “That’s what I thought,” Clarke says as she tightens her legs around Lexa’s midsection and leans back to look at her eyes. “Wow,” Clarke pauses and moves closer to her face, “Lexa your eyes look so beautiful right now.” 
> 
> “Oh uhh, thanks. That’s-that’s nice of you,” Lexa stammers out while trying to keep her breathing under control. Clarke is so close to her that she can feel her breath ghosting her face each time she exhales. She can’t help herself as she glances down to Clarke’s full lips and wonders to herself what it would feel like to just close distance. She’s only fantasiedabout it for the last year and a half. Maybe this is her chance, it feels like Clarke might want this too with how much of skin to skin contact they are having right now. Clarke wouldn’t be straddling her in the ocean and putting only 3-4 inches between their faces if she didn’t have some resemblances of feelings toward her right? Lexa starts to feel fuzzy as her mind starts racing a mile a minute. She begins trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together that have now conformed if her mind. All the sleepovers, hand holding, and physical contact could have meant more than just friendship to Clarke?
> 
> “What the fuck was that! Oh my God!” Clark’s screams as she pushes off Lexa and begins swimming as fast as she can to shore. She glances back at Lexa and sees her standing stock still in the middle of the ocean. “Lexa! What’re you doing?? I just felt something touch my foot! Swim! Now!” Lexa finally snaps out of it and heads to shore quickly after Clarke. “Okay that was scary. What if that was a shark Lexa??” Clarke’s half screams once they make it back to the sand.
> 
> Lexa looks over where Clarke is bent over with her hands on her knees trying to catch her breathe. She walks over and puts her hand on her back, “well at least you wouldn’t have to finish nursing school,” Lexa says with as serious of a face she muster without laughing.
> 
> “You ass,” Clarke laughs and flops down on her towel with a huff, ”why aren’t you out of breath?”
> 
> “I guess thats what soccer does to a women,” Lexa shrugs as she joins Clarke on the towels. 
> 
> They enjoy a comfortable silence as the cool breeze hits and whirls the sand around them. There’s no clouds in the sky and minimal people on the beach around them, as they look out at the ocean. Lexa’s always loved the ocean and the beauty that comes with it. There’s a serenity that comes with being surrounded by the gravitational pull that effects the water around them. 
> 
> “So any girls you’ve been talking to recently?” Clarke asks.
> 
> Lexa quickly weighs her pros and cons of telling Clarke that her and Christen have been texting more than usual. It’s not that they have any intention of getting together, or have even talked about it for that matter, but it’s something she would usually tell her best friend. Christen is pretty and would honestly be a nice distraction from Clarke, but is that what she really wants? She can’t decide. Maybe Christen doesn’t even want her like that and is just trying to be her friend. But what if she does want her... sexually? Would it make Clarke jealous if she told her they were talking? 
> 
> At the beginning of her and Clarke’s friendship, there were a couple of girls that Lexa took interest in but they didn’t last long. They were more like one night stands except they would last for a couple of weeks then fizzle out. However, after Lexa began discovering her feelings for Clarke, there had been no one.
> 
> “Nope,” Lexa says.
> 
> “Okay, you’ve gotta be lying,” Clarke leans over on her elbow and looks at Lexa, “I mean look at you. You’re hot, you’ve got a rockin’ body, and have an amazing personality. What gives?” 
> 
> Lexa begins blushing, “I don’t know Clarke, maybe I’m just picky.” 
> 
> "Then you are too picky, let me set you up with someone!”
> 
> “What?? No. I-I’m fine. I just-I don’t know. I’m waiting for the right one I guess.” Lexa says while avoiding eye contact with Clarke. 
> 
> “You really are a hopeless romantic, Lexa,” Clarke states, “any girl would be lucky to have you.”
> 
> “Any girl?” Lexa mumbles before realizing what she said and quickly adds in, “uh wanna go ahead and pack up so we can head out for dinner?” Clarke looks over at her for a few seconds before nodding her head and helping Lexa pack up their belongings. 
> 
> “How was your date to the beach?” Raven asks as soon as Lexa and Clarke walk into the apartment. 
> 
> “Shut up,” Lexa mutters. It’s a known fact that the majority of their friends believe they are in some secret relationship. Lexa can see to some extent why they would think this based on how they act around each other. Sadly, it doesn’t help her predicament when people bring up the prospect of them being together. It always puts her in a funky mood that’s hard to get out of.
> 
> “What? It’s not my fault y’all act like a married couple.”
> 
> “That’s flattering Raven, but we all know Lexa could do better than me anyways,” Clarke says as she begins to untie her wet bathing suit top in route to her bedroom. 
> 
> Lexa sneaks a peek at Clarke’s bare back as she’s walking to her bedroom, but quickly schools her features as she turns back to Raven. She toes of her sandals and flops on the couch, “Whatcha watching?” 
> 
> “Westworld. It’s like some next level technology shit. Have you seen it?” Raven asks.
> 
> “I’ve seen a few episodes. I actually wanna catch up on it, what episode are you on?”
> 
> “Uhh,” Raven grabs the Apple TV remote and clicks until she finds what she’s looking for, “episode 4.” 
> 
> “I think that’s what I was about to start! Can we restart it?? Please? Just one episode!” Lexa asks as she gives Raven her best puppy dog eyes. 
> 
> “Fine but only cause you’re cute,” Raven states and maneuvers the Apple TV to where it restarts the episode.
> 
> “Thanks Raven. I owe you one,” Lexa says as she gets comfortable on the couch next to her friend.
> 
> Thirty minutes later, Clarke pops her head into view, “Lex, you’re going to stay the night with me right?”
> 
> “I can’t. I promised Anya I would be home tonight,” Lexa lies. She decided she needed some space after today. She honestly hopes Anya is at the apartment tonight because she needs to get this off her chest. Not about her feelings for Clarke, because Anya knew about them before Lexa had even figured it out herself, but about what happened today in the ocean. Because every time Lexa thought about it, her head was spinning from her possible revelation of Clarke’s feelings but she didn’t want to get her hopes up if she was just making it up in her head. 
> 
> “What?? So your choosing Anya over cuddling with me?” Clarke says as she crosses her arms.
> 
> Lexa rolls her eyes, “it’s not like that. I’ll stay the night after my game next week. How about that?” 
> 
> “Okay. Fine.” Clarke’s concedes and rushes over to give Lexa a big hug, “thank you for going with me today, I had a lot of fun! I love you, be safe going home.”
> 
> “I love you too, Clarke. I had a great time at the beach too. I’ll see you tomorrow for lunch?”
> 
> “Yep! Goodnight guys!” Clarke says as she heads back into her room. 
> 
> Raven rolls her eyes and looks over at Lexa, “and you guys expect us to believe there’s not some type of feelings there.”
> 
> Lexa begins blushing furiously and keeps her face straight ahead as Raven keeps her eyes on her. Lexa knows if she opens her mouth, she will end up given herself away, but she also knows by being silent she’s confirming something she didn’t want her friend to know yet. _Fuck me,_ she thinks and looks over at Raven with pleading eyes in hopes that she will drop the subject for Lexa’s sake. She sees realization dawn on the girls face before she starts speaking.
> 
> “Oh shit, I'm sorry Lexa. I wont pressure you about it,” Raven says as she takes Lexa’s hand and squeezes it. They begin watching the episode in silence until the credits start rolling through and it’s time for Lexa to leave. 
> 
> “Please don’t say anything to Clarke, Raven,” Lexa says before she walks out the door.
> 
> “I would never do that to you, it’s not my place. I’m sorry I teased you about it but you don’t have worry about me saying anything.”
> 
> “Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch,” Lexa says as she turns to head back to her own apartment. 
> 
> When she walks in, she sees Anya lounging on the couch with her feet propped up on the coffee table watching Family Feud and munching on some popcorn. 
> 
> “Hey Nerd, how was your day with Clarke?” Anya asks while she moves over to make room for Lexa to join her, “I’m surprised you came back home tonight.”
> 
> “It was good. I think I actually got some sun,” Lexa says as she takes a seat on the couch and looks down at her arms.
> 
> “It was good. That’s all I get?”
> 
> “Okay, it was more than good?” Lexa says. She looks up to see Anya with her arms crossed over her chest, not impressed with her attempt at being nonchalant. “Uh okay. Fine. I got a question for you and I want you to just be blunt with me okay?”
> 
> Anya laughs, “Am I ever anything other than blunt?” 
> 
> “This is true,” Lexa says before taking a deep breath, “do you think there is anyway that Clarke might have feelings for me too?” 
> 
> Anya looks at her and narrows her eyes, “Why are you asking me this?”
> 
> “Just answer for me first then I’ll talk to you,” Lexa supplies.
> 
> “Okay, well I mean I don’t know,” Anya furrows her brows ,”on one hand, I can see that she is super touchy with you and I know you guys have connected on an emotional level, but I also see how she interacts with guys. You’re the only girl I’ve seen her be like that with but I don’t know if it’s just because you are her best friend or not, ya know?” 
> 
> “Yeah... I don’t either Anya. It’s starting to wear on me and I don’t know what to do,” Lexa says as she puts her hands in her face.
> 
> “Wait, you were so sure Clarke was straight all the other times we’ve talked about it, what’s changed?”
> 
> “Today, at the beach, Clarke was straddling me in the water while I was standing-“ Lexa’s stopped by Anya holding her hand up in the air.
> 
> “For an extended amount of time or just like a joke and then she hopped off?”
> 
> “For like 15 minutes probably, I don’t know though I’m just guessing,” Lexa says. 
> 
> Anya eyebrows go up but she just tells Lexa to continue with her story.
> 
> “Anyway, we’ve been standing like that for ten minutes and then Clarke leans back and looks me in the eyes and tells me how beautiful they are. She was only a few inches from my face and I don’t know Anya, it just felt kinda intimate to me. While she was staring at me, my brain went down a rabbit hole and now I’m wondering if maybe she likes me too. I-I almost kissed her because I thought she might want it too, now I don’t know if I’m just crazy or what.”
> 
> Anya shakes her head, “you don’t sound crazy Lexa, I would be confused if I were you too. From the outside looking in, that doesn’t sound like just best friend interaction. I mean I can’t remember any girl ever, besides one of my girlfriends, straddling me like that. I-“ 
> 
> “Ew mental picture that I’ll never be able to get rid of,” Lexa gags. 
> 
> Anya pushes Lexa shoulder and laughs, “Dude, shut up. Anyway. She’s giving you mixed signals and that’s not fair to you. She might not know what she’s doing, I mean she’s never actually liked a girl before so she doesn’t know the lines she crossed. Or maybe you were reading into the situation correctly today, and she does have feelings for you.”
> 
> Lexa sighs and lays back onto the couch and closes her eyes. 
> 
> “Is she talking to anyone right now?” Anya asks.
> 
> “I usually never ask her because I never want to know but I think she’s talking to Bellamy but I’m not one hundred percent sure how serious it is. I haven’t actually seen them on a date or anything so maybe they aren’t really.”
> 
> “Do you think you might tell her how you feel?”
> 
> Lexa’s silent for a moment before nodding her head, “I think I want too. If there’s a possibility that she may feel the same way then I think so. But I don’t know, Clarke means a lot to me, she’s my best friend and I can’t imagine losing her. I have an inkling that if I tell her how I feel, then I might scare her away if she doesn’t feel the same,” she stands up and starts pacing in front of the tv, “but at this point I’m not sure I can stand to be around her much more without it hurting me. Every time I see her with a guy my chest physically aches because of it. I don’t know what I would do if she actually got a boyfriend, I doubt I could be around them or I would be miserable. Our friendship would be ruined because of me not being able to get past my jealousy and Clarke wouldn’t even know what was going on. Unless I told her. But if I wait until she got a boyfriend then it would to late anyway.” Lexa takes a deep breathe, “so basically my dilemma is if telling her is worth possibly losing our friendship over.”  
> 
> “Would you want to tell her if you thought there was no way she felt the same way?” Anya asks.
> 
> “No I hadn’t thought of telling her until today when I had the suspicionthat she might also feel the same,” Lexa answers.
> 
> “Okay, I’m not trying to scare you by asking this but I’m just going to be honest with you, do you think your.. affections for Clarke have grown past liking her?” 
> 
> Lexa’s eyes widen when she realizes what her friend is asking, “What? No! Why would you even ask that?” 
> 
> “Okay, okay I was just asking,” Anya says while raising her hands, “I don’t know what to tell you Lexa but I haven’t seen you this stressed out in a long time. I want you to be right about Clarke and get the girl but I’m scared for you. I can’t imagine the heartbreak you would feel, if you shared your heart with her and she didn’t feel the same way which is a high possibilty since she’s.. straight. However, I don’t want you to be miserable around Clarke if she ever starts dating someone.”
> 
> Lexa’s eyes start to water as she starts thinking of both possibilities that Anya laid out for her, “I’m just so stressed. I don’t even know if there’s a right answer to this situation.”
> 
> Anya gets up off the couch and envelops her in a hug, “there’s not, you just have to make the decision that’s best for you Lexa.” 
> 
> “I’m scared,” Lexa whispers when the severity of her emotions begin to crack down around her, she hugs her childhood friend close as tears begin to roll down her face.

 


	3. "Her person"

Lexa was standing in the middle of the kitchen in her boxers, oversized T-shirt, and slippers whistling along with the radio in the background. She had been slaving over the stove cooking pancakes and eggs for her and Anya to start the morning off with. The first soccer game of the season was at seven tonight and she was hellbent on starting the day off well, she believed it always effected her play later on in the evening.

“I see someone’s in a good mood,” Anya grumbled when she walked into the kitchen and saw Lexa dancing to the beat and stacking pancakes on their plates.

“Thanks for noticing grumpy, are you not happy that I made you an A+ breakfast?” Lexa asks as she places Anya’s plate of food in front of her.

“Yeah yeah, how are you feeling for your game today?”

“I’m ready, I think. The team has been playing pretty consistently in our scrimmages the last couple weeks. If we maintain good possession today, then I believe we have a decent chance. It’ll definitely be a tough game though so it should be a fun one to watch.”

“I’m excited to watch you guys play,” Anya says as she takes a bite of her pancakes, “is anyone else coming to watch? Raven said she would come with me when I asked last week.”

Lexa grabs her plate of food and sits down next to her friend at the kitchen table, “Clarke will be there but I’m not sure if anyone else is coming.”

Anya nods, “speaking of Clarke, have you thought anymore about what we talked about?”

She had thought about it. A lot. The topic had consumed the majority of her brain power last week and she was still not confident in one decision or the other. She liked Clarke, and she knew that wasn’t going away anytime soon but could she mask it and continue with their friendship? She didn’t know. It felt like it got harder everyday not to show Clarke how she felt and that seemed dangerous to her. Every time Clarke held Lexa’s hand, cuddled her, or showed her affection then hope would begin blooming in Lexa’s chest and it was becoming more difficult to tame it. She didn’t know any other way to dig herself out of this hole she had gotten herself into without telling Clarke how she felt. She had a feeling she would eventually have to tell her best friend how she felt, she just didn’t know when.

“Yeah, I have,” Lexa finally says while pouring more syrup on her pancakes.

“And?” Anya probes.

“I don’t know. I want to tell her so badly Anya but I am terrified of the repercussions that may come of it. Our friendship is going so well right now and I don’t want to jeopardize it because like you said there’s a big possibility that she doesn’t feel the same way. However, I don’t see my situation going any differently.” Lexa lets out a big breath, “I think I’m just going to see where it goes, if the right moment presents itself then I think maybe I will tell her but if she actually is talking to Bellamy then I don’t want to say anything because that’s kinda embarrassing. I don’t wanna to force myself into one decision or the other because what if I don’t go through with it ya know? I think that would just fuck with me.”

“I think that’s probably a good way to think about it. You don’t need to force yourself into saying anything if you aren’t ready, maybe you can just feel it out the next couple of weeks and see how it goes,” Anya offers as she finishes up her pancakes.

“I cooked, you clean,” Lexa says as she gets up from the table. She was starting to get overwhelmed and didn’t want to have a repeat of the last conversation her and Anya had.

“Fine but don’t take this on by yourself Lexa or it’ll hurt you worse,” Anya says as she begins picking up their plates. “Good luck at your game tonight, it’s at seven right?”

“Yeah and thank you Anya, for everything,” Lexa says as she begins retreating to her room. She looks down at her watch that says 9:09 and let’s out a sigh of relief. She doesn’t have to rush to her 10:30 class and can take her time with getting ready. She packs up her soccer bag and then begins throwing together a small bag for staying the night at Clarke’s tonight that way she doesn’t have to come back to the apartment after the game. Lexa smiles because she gets Clarke all to herself tonight and she’s stoked for some time with the girl. She’s always excited to spend time with her but even more so when they stay the night with each other. Clarke is always wrapped up in Lexa’s arms when she wakes up in the morning and Lexa can’t think of any better way to wake up. Not to mention how beautiful and soft Clarke looks when she first gets up in the morning.Lexa walks to her closet and debates on what to wear for the day. She wants to be comfortable but she also wants Clarke to notice her appearance. She opts for some burgundy shorts that hug her hips and make her legs appear like they go on for days, her black equality T-shirt and throws on her black USA snapback. After checking herself in the mirror, she grabs all three of her bags and heads out to put them into her 4Runner and head to campus.

After her two classes that seem to continue to drag on, she heads back across campus. Clarke has asked her to meet at the on campus coffee shop, Maples, to hang out before her game tonight and who is she to say no? She slings her backpack around her opposite shoulder as she pushes the door open and begins looking around for her best friend. She smiles when she sees Clarke lift her head up from her Med-Surg book and wave her over, the black coffee she was planning on getting already sitting on the table waiting for her. Clarke gets up and visibly takes in Lexa’s outfit before throwing her arms around her shoulders, nearly knocking off her SnapBack in the process.

“You look extra...” Clarke pauses before continuing, “gay today. I like it.”

Lexa chuckles as she disentangles herself from Clarke and sits down at the table.

“Do I look straight every other day?” Lexa puts her bag down on the ground and gets settled in the chair. 

Clarke shakes her head, “no, I guess I was stereotyping you but I meant it as a compliment because you look really good.”

“Thanks Clarke, I’ll be sure to look more.. gay then,” Lexa says while mentally fist bumping herself and takes a sip of her coffee. “Thank you for the coffee, by the way.”

“You’re welcome. I was already in here because my class got out about an hour ago and figured I would go ahead and get some studying in,” Clarke points to her stuff scattered around the tiny table.

“What system are you guys learning about right now?” Lexa ask as she leans forward on the table peaking at Clarke’s book.

“Cardiac, which I’m stoked about. We’re learning about the difference between a STEMI and a NSTEMI right now and how they effect the cardiac muscle.”

“Right,” Lexa says kind of confused as to what that was, “so what exactly is the difference then?”

Clarke smiles and gets comfortable in her chair, “well they are heart attacks but typically STEMI’s are worse to have. Those type of heart attacks mean that there is a hundred percent block in one of your coronary arteries which causes your heart not to receive the correct amount of blood flow and can permanently damage the cardiac muscle. You can tell the patient is having a STEMI based on the elevation of the ST segment on their electrocardiogram(EKG). NSTEMI’s don’t have the ST changes on their EKG’s but we are able to tell based off an enzyme called troponin being in their bloodstream. These type of heart attacks mean that you still have restricted blood flow to the heart muscle but it’s not completely blocked off so you are less likely to have permanent damage. You typically need a stent and medication to restore the blood flow after having a myocardial infarction."

“A myo-what?” Lexa laughs.

“Myocardial infarction. It’s the medical term for a heart attack and basically means the heart isn’t getting the oxygen that it needs,” Clarke explains.

"Were you reading that from the book because it sure sounded like it," Lexa teases.

"No, silly," Clarke chuckles.

“Well I honestly have no idea if what you said is right but it sure sounds like it so you get an A+plus from me.”

“I wish it were that easy. This is only the second chapter and I’m already overloaded with information,” Clarke groans.

“It sounded like you knew that pretty well and that you enjoyed telling me about it,” Lexa states.

“Yeah, I actually have really enjoyed learning about it. It’s so intricate with the atriums and ventricles having to work in tandem for your heart to work correctly. It’s pretty fascinating really, it’s probably my favorite topic we’ve learned about so far in nursing school,” Clarke pauses as she sips on her white mocha, “anyway, enough griping from me, how’re your classes?"

“It does sound interesting but nothing i’d ever want to work with,” Lexa says as she scrunches up her nose. “Classes are good, learning about how to properly look into the camera and use our excited voices when discussing something on air, the usual.”

Lexa had decided to pursue communications as her major because that’s what was typical in someone who played sports. She felt like it was mostly to have easy classes while being able to focus on her sport but she had decided communications with a minor in psychology would be perfect for her. She wanted to play soccer professionally after graduating and hopefully one day make it on the national team. That was her dream and she had never swayed from it. She had been called up to play on many of the youth national teams so she believed her goals were within reach. The plan was to play in college, go pro, play on the national team and then after retirement put her degree to use as an ESPN commentator.

“Sounds intriguing, I’m horrible at public speaking so I definitely could not do that,” Clarke says.

Lexa shrugs, “I don’t mind it, I also like to dissect soccer games and when I really get into it then I hardly realize I’m talking in front of people anyway.”

“Yeah I guess that makes sense, whenever I’m doing something gross at clinical, I don’t typically think about it until afterward. Speaking of gross, I was at a party last weekend and this dude threw up everywhere and it was like everyone just assumed since I was a nursing student then I knew how to deal with it,” Clarke rolls her eyes and pretends to gag, “it was disgusting and there were these chunks-“

Lexa throws her hands up in protest, “ah I get it, you don’t have to continue with that story. I’d rather not think about some frat boys vomit right now. The thought actually makes me queasy.”

“Okay okay,” Clarke laughs.

Lexa looks over her shoulder as she hears a familiar voice and sees Bellamy strolling toward them.

“Bell!” Clarke says as she jumps up and slings her arms around his neck, “what’re you doing here? I thought you had class right now.”

“I do, Princess. Actually, I’m really late,” he says glancing down at his watch and back up as he heads toward the opposite door he came through, “but are we still on for our date tomorrow?”

Clarke let’s out a laugh, “yes, now get to class.”

Lexa’s pretty sure her mind stopped working when she heard Bellamy say date. She finishes off her drink and begins playing with the coffee cup on the table. She figures this shouldn’t be a surprise to her, she had thought about this before and knew it was a possibility they were together. She has even told Anya she thought they were, but in the far away depths of her mind she was praying to every higher power that she was wrong.

“Earth to Lexa,” she glances up and sees Clarke waving her hand in front of her face, “damn, I thought I lost you there for a minute. What were you th-“

“So you and Bell huh?” Lexa mutters.

“What?” Clarke furrows her brows.

“You guys are,” Lexa flounders her hands around as if that’ll explain what she’s trying to say, “dating or whatever.”

She hears Clarke bellow out a loud laugh and looks up at her.

“Lexa, what the fuck? No! He’s Octavia’s brother and one of my good friends, why would you think that?”

“But he just said date,” Lexa defends.

“I’m going with him to a party on Saturday. He’s got some big crush on this volleyball chick and he knows she will be at this party. The plan is that she sees me with him and possibly gets jealous and wallah they get together. I think it’s kinda stupid but he begged me and I couldn’t turn down a party and free food,” Clarke shrugs.

“So.. you guys aren’t dating?” Lexa whispers.

Clarke rolls her eyes, “no. He’s not a bad guy, but I would never date him even if he wasn’t O’s brother. He’s like a best guy friend, I could never think of him like that.”

Instant relief floods through Lexa’s body at Clark’s statement and she allows herself some seconds to compose herself.

“Oh okay, so are you dating anyone right now?” Lexa decides now is as good as ever to ask this question.

Clarke’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline, “wow you never ask me if I’m dating anybody, is the world ending or something?”

“Oh shut up,” Lexa says and nudges Clarke with her foot under the table.

“No I’m not really dating anyone,” Clarke says as she leans back in her chair with a blush that she tries to hide with her coffee cup.

“So why are you blushing?” Lexa accuses.

“I don’t know,” Clarke throws her hands in her face and huffs, “Okay, I have a fuck buddy and I’m scared I might breaking the cardinal rule and getting feelings for him.”

And Lexa realizes quickly that this is why she never subjects herself to these conversations, they never work out well for her. Her heart feels like it currently has whiplash.

“Oh, uh who?” Lexa whispers.

“Alex, the soccer guy.”

Lexa looks down and starts wringing her hands together, “how long?”

Clarke glances down at Lexa’s hands and back up to her face, “just a couple weeks ago.”

Lexa begins thinking of reasons, any excuse really, to get out of this coffee shop as fast as she can. Lexa is typically good at internalizing her feelings but right now she feels like she might explode from anxiety and pain. She brings her hand up and pushes her hair out of her face and looks at her watch. “What makes you think your getting feelings for him?”

Clarke narrows her eyes and looks at Lexa, “I don’t know, why did you just get weird?”

Lexa snaps her eyes up to Clarke’s, “huh what? I’m not.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Actually I just realized the time and I need to head to the locker room to change into my warm ups,” Lexa’s chair screeches as she pushes herself out of it and grabs her bag, “I’ll uh see you there, yeah?”

She turns and begins walking out of the coffee shop before Clarke has the time to nod her consent.

_What the hell?_ Clarke thinks and drops her head onto the table creating a loud cracking noise. _Did I say something wrong?_ She replays their conversation over in her head trying to pinpoint a moment that she said something wrong and comes up short. Clarke and Lexa have never had a real argument or disagreement before and the idea that Clarke may have said something to upset Lexa makes her stomach turn. She sighs as sits back in her chair and begins grabbing her things and shoving them into her backpack. She slowly makes her way out of the coffee shop and onto the big lawn in the middle of the campus before finding her favorite spot and dropping her bag onto the ground. Clarke looks up at the big oak tree and slides down sitting on the green grass. She begins absentmindedly picking at a piece of wood she pulled of the tree when her phone vibrates in her back pocket. She fishes it out and sees texts from Alex, Raven, and three from Lexa. She immediately swipes open her best friend’s text.

Lexa: Hey Clarke, I’m sorry for getting wierd. The nerves about this game just hit me all at once and I took it out on you! :(

Lexa: I promise to make it up tonight with extra cuddles!!

Lexa: Also, I’m expecting you to have your abs painted for me tonight!! Lol love you and I will see you after the game!

Clarke smiles down at her phone and breathes out a sigh of relief realizing she didn’t say or do anything wrong to hurt her best friend. Lexa is more than that though, she was her ‘person’, just like Cristina was Meredith’s person from Grey’s anatomy. Clarke has never emotionally been connected to someone as much as she is to her. The mere thought of getting alone time with her makes her feel giddy and Clarke has only ever felt like that with her ex-boyfriend, Finn. Sure, she gets happy being able to hang out with her friends and people that are important to her but Lexa is different. She’s the person she could call at 2 am for nothing or the person that she could dance it out with. They are always in each other’s corners and Clarke will forever be grateful for the friendship that Lexa gives her.Clarke leans over and unzips her backpack to pull out her sketch pad. She slowly begins drawing the landscape in front of her while her mind continues on its own path. They only have two more years of school left and then are expected to pack up and move across the country, down the road, or back to their parents house to begin their jobs and become a real life adult. Clarke sighs, she’s not ready for that big of a commitment. Where would she move? Where would she work? Would she have roommates? Hell, would she move somewhere with her possible future boyfriend? What about her friends? Lexa? The idea of possibly living far away from Lexa gives her anxiety. _Fuck._  What if Lexa gets a girlfriend that wants to move to Florida or some crazy ass place in the south? She groans and throws her head back against the tree. _Getting old sucks ass._


	4. Heart eyes

“I know that look,” Christen says while looking over at Lexa.

“What look?” Lexa glances at Christen and follows her gaze into the stands where Clarke is sitting with Raven and Anya.

“The I have feelings for my best friend look,” Christen says, “you have huge heart eyes right now and I know you’re not looking at Raven or Anya.”

Lexa looks down at the ground and begins kicking her cleat into the grass. She figures there is no use to deny that she does, in fact, probably have heart eyes right now.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Probably not to a regular person.”

“Then how did you know?” Lexa questions.

“I just know the feeling,” Christen shrugs and glances over at Tobin who is sitting on the bench fiddling with her shin guards.

“Oh, Tobin?”

Christen nods and Lexa can’t hold back the laughter that bubbles out of her at the admission they both just had.

Christen looks over at her with confusion written on her face before letting out a laugh of her own.

“I’m sorry, I know this is kinda frank since we haven’t talked about it, but I thought something might be going on between you and me. I guess I was super off,” Lexa chuckles.

Christen begins blushing right before the whistle sounds signaling they need to get on the field for the second half. Lexa stands up and begins jogging towards center field before Christen catches up to her and grabs onto her arm.

“You weren’t wrong,” Christen mutters, “I do uh like you, and-actually can we just finish this conversation after the game ends so I don’t lose my nerv-“

They both jump as the whistle is blown next to them and look over to see the referee pointing toward center of the field with a look of annoyance on her face. Lexa jogs over to the ball and kicks off the last half of the game with a deep breath. They are currently down one to two, so they have some catching up to do. Christen equalized the game in the twenty eighth minute but Stanford was taking more shots on goal and another one was slammed into the upper ninety right before the half ended.

Lexa bent down with her hands on her knees near the eighteen waiting on Tobin to set up for their free kick. She looked up to see they only had three more minutes to tie this game up. She knew Tobin was probably going to cross it to the near corner so she set her self up for a diagonal run. As soon as she saw Tobin plant her foot next to the ball, she sprinted toward the near side and went for a diving header, she felt the ball skim across her head before landing onto the ground with a thud. She heard yelling and looked up to see the ball in the back of the net and her teammates running at her. She pushed herself up in time to catch the tanned midfielder that assisted her goal in her arms and began celebrating with them. By the time they all got back into their side of the field, there was only enough time for Stanford to possess the ball for a few passes before the game ended in a tie. They shook hands with the other team and headed back to begin their cool down while listening to their coach critique their play and to praise them for what they did well. As soon as the coach was done talking, Lexa looked into the stands to still see Clarke still talking to Raven and Anya. She knew Clarke would probably come down to the field or meet her outside the locker room so she turned around to search for Christen.

She spotted her walking toward the locker room, “Hey Christen, wait up!”

Lexa grabbed her bag and caught up with the green eyed forward.

“That was great goal, Lexa. I thought we were going to end up losing that game despite how well we were playing that second half.”

Lexa smiled as she hoisted the bag up her shoulder, “thanks. I kinda blindly dove for that ball so I’m glad it hit my head. I guess the dirt in the mouth was worth it. I was getting nervous too, I looked at the clock before the kick and I was like oh shit.”

“That musta got your ass in gear then because you made that look easy,” Christen laughed as she went to step into the locker room.

“Wait!” Lexa said as she grabbed Christen’s arm and walked them back to where they were standing off to the side of the soccer field, “I was uh hoping we could finish that conversation. I don’t want things to end up getting awkward if we just pretend it didn’t happen.” She could feel the blush starting to cover her cheeks and hoped the darkness outside would conceal it.

“Yeah that’s probably smart,” Christen was looking out onto the soccer field where a bunch of friends and family members were congregating around the soccer players.

“So um I wasn’t wrong? There was something there?”

“Well there wasn’t anything yet because we hadn’t talked about it but I thought there could be,” Christen shrugged, “but now we both know we have feelings for other people.”

“Oh right...” Lexa grabbed the back of her neck and looked out onto the field, “so that ruined it then?”

Christen brought her eyes back to Lexa’s, “It doesn’t have to. Now we both know where we stand and I don’t know about you but I’m tired Lexa. I’m tired of hoping that Tobin will notice how I feel about her and I’m tired of seeing her flirting with other people while I pine for her. it just hurts me.”

Lexa thought back to her conversation with Clarke in the coffee shop and how she might be getting feelings for Alex and sadness began to creep in. She thought back on her conversation with Anya and all the internal dialogue she’s had with herself during the last week. She was tired of waiting too. She nodded at Christen to show she was actively listening.

“Maybe it’s our fault for not telling them but how do you even bring that up ya know?” Christen throws her hands up in the air, “the whole situation just sucks and it’s draining.”

“I agree with you, I wish their was an easy solution but I’ve went over every scenario in my head and there’s hardly a good outcome,” Lexa says.

“Yeah,” Christen breathes out, “anyways, I like you Lexa. I’m attracted to you and I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you. If you’re up to it, I mean. I’m obviously not wanting a relationship right now and I’m not expecting that out of you either, but I don’t think it would be a bad idea to, ya know, use each other to help get over our... issues.”

“Use each other?” Lexa raises her eyebrow, “as in fuck buddies?”

“Wh-what-that’s not what I said!” Christen sputters as her face turns bright red.

“Hey Chris! You ready?” Lexa looks up to see Tobin walking toward them and gives her a good look over realizing she’s never actually checked her out like that. She’s 5’7” with chocolate eyes and straight light brown hair. She’s got a super chiseled jaw and amazing muscle tone throughout her body. She’s exudes TomBoy with her SnapBack, Adidas slides and soccer gear still on. She sees why Christen is attracted to her but she’s not Lexa’s type.

“Hey uh, can you just give me and Lexa a second? I’ll meet you at the car,” Christen stammers without turning away from Lexa.

Tobin looks to Lexa with concern in her eyes before muttering, “Sure.”

Christen looks back to Lexa, “I didn’t mean it like that, I wouldn’t expect something like that from you. I’m not some fuck boy. I’m sorry I worded it wrong.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I was just messing with you and trying to lighten the mood,” Lexa could visibly see her shoulders relax at her words, “I’m attracted to you too Christen. I’m fine with trying whatever you were suggesting. More than fine actually, I’m also feeling everything you were describing earlier. It’s starting to take a toll on me and I want to try and change that, we both know our intentions so I think it’s worth it.”

“Awesome, well do you maybe wanna try this thing out by going to the party together tomorrow?” Christen smiles as she looks over Lexa shoulder and moves closer into her personal space.

Lexa blushes, “I’d love too.”

Christen leans into Lexa’s ear, “who knows, maybe we could make them jealous in the process yeah?” She leans back just as Clarke walks up to them and winks. “Okay, I probably really should go meet Tobin at the car. What time do you wanna pick me up for the party?”

“Uh what about around 10? We can be fashionably late together.”

“Sounds great,” Christen says as she hugs Lexa around her neck, “I’ll see you then.” She let’s go and flashes a big smile before turning around and heading in the opposite direction.

Lexa awkwardly clears her throat as she turns to look at her best friend who is watching Christen walk away.

“Hey, Clarke.”

“Hey, you had a good game tonight Lex.”

Lexa smiles, “thanks, let me go grab my stuff and I’ll be ready to go.” She slings her bag up and hurries into the locker room. Her mind is still fogged from her conversation with Christen, she can’t believe they were both that bold but is happy that it happened. She could use a breath of fresh air and fingers crossed, this could be it for her. She shucks her shin guards off, throws them in her bag and grabs her overnight stuff for Clarke’s before walking back out of the door. Clarke is standing against the wall texting someone and Lexa makes sure not to look at the screen so that she doesn’t get disappointed.

“You ready?” Lexa asks.

“Ugh yes babe, is it high school of me to say I’m so ready for this sleepover?” Clarks pushes off the wall and puts her phone in her back pocket.

“Kinda,” Lexa chuckles, “but me too.”

“Do you wanna grab a snack before we head home or no?” Clarke asks.

“Hmm, do you have popcorn or ice cream?”

“Always,” Clarke rolls her eyes as she hops into her car.

“Then I’m set, let’s go home!”

 

*

 

Lexa hops out of the shower and throws on her T-shirt and boy shorts before hoping onto Clarke’s bed.

Clarke lands on her a moment later, “what’re you doing? You can’t be going to sleep. This is a sleepover, we’re supposed to be getting sick off of sweets, gossiping about the shit going on in our lives, and staying up way past our bed time,” she pokes Lexa in the side, “Wake up!”

“Stop!” Lexa squeaks as Clarke continues to tickle her ribs, “I’m awake! I promise!”

“You better be! Can’t believe you were trying to skip out on me.”

Lexa rolls her eyes while turning over onto her back and looking up at Clarke who is straddling her hips. “My back is just hurting from the way I landed earlier in the game and I wanted to lay down. I’m not going to sleep yet dummy, I wouldn’t waste precious time with you! Who do you think I am?”

“Coulda fooled me,” Clarke says folding her arms, “what hurts?”

“My back, mostly. I think it’s just tense,” Lexa shrugs.

“Want me to give you a massage?”

“Don’t gotta ask me twice!” Lexa says excitedly while she pushes Clarke up and turns back onto her stomach.

“Whoa now, you gotta take your shirt off or I won’t be able to give you a proper one.”

Lexa’s mind short circuits at Clarke’s words, and she realizes she may have made a really bad mistake in agreeing to this. Clarke was about to be straddling her ass while her own shirt is discarded somewhere. She’s one hundred percent sure this has been a thought she’s had on many occasions when she’s having alone time. _Fuck me,_ Lexa thinks while pushing her face in the mattress in hopes that she will sink through it.

“Come on,” Clarke grabs the hem of Lexa’s shirt and begins trying to tug it off her body but to no avail.

“I uh don’t have a bra on,” Lexa says.

“Good, you don’t need one now lean up,” Clarke says.

Lexa grits her teeth and tries to keep her thoughts clean while Clarke finishes pulling Lexa’s shirt of her body.

Clarke leans over to grab lotion off her bedside table, “I don’t know how good I’m going to be at this, I’ve only given a handful of massages in my life but i’ll try to make it good for you. Is it more of your lower or upper back?”

“Mostly my lower back but it all kinda hurts.”

“Okay,” Clarke begins rubbing her hands together, “you better be glad that I like you or I would just put this lotion on you cold.”

Clarke gingerly places her hand on Lexa’s shoulders and begins kneading them the best that she knows how. She places the palm of her hands on the thick strands of muscle that goes from her neck down to where her hips disappear in her shorts. She rubs from the top all the way to the bottom and Lexa lets out a groan of appreciation. “You like that?”

Lexa lets out a muffled yeah while Clarke continues her ministrations on her back. She lightly traces her hands back up her torso and begins working the muscles in Lexa’s neck in a small circular motion. The action causing goosebumps to rise across Lexa’s entire body.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to be good at this.”

“I said I didn’t know, but I’m glad it is,” Clarke chuckles.

Lexa feels Clarke push her knuckles into her neck and slowly makes her way down to her shoulders and ends right above her ass. Lexa hears Clarke get more lotion and rub it together before she wraps her fingers around Lexa’s waist to place her thumbs in the dimples of her lower back. Clarke’s ass lifts off her legs and she feels her use the leverage to put more pressure into her muscle. Lexa hears herself let out a deep moan at the feeling before quickly gritting her teeth and pushing her face further into the bed. She can feel the heat from Clarke’s core when she lowers herself back down on Lexa’s ass and her mind begins down a dark path. Sure, Lexa’s thought about Clarke in a sexual way a few times when she was touching herself at night, who wouldn’t? But those times were when she was alone, not with said person she was thinking about. Lexa was quickly trying to avert her mind on something like kittens or murder, really whichever would change her train of thought. However, her mind had other ideas and began swimming with all of the possibilities that this moment could lead to. She’s seen enough movies and read enough books to know that massages sometimes equal sex and oh how her brain was hoping that’s how this would play out. Before Lexa could help herself, she was in a full blown day dream about taking control of this situation, flipping Clarke onto her back before showing her how well she would love her. Lexa doesn’t know how long the day dream lasts, but comes back from it when she realizes there’s something uncomfortable in her underwear. She wiggles her hips and busts her eyes open when she realizes she’s wet. _Holy fuck,_ she immediately tenses underneath Clarke and awkwardly starts coughing.

“Are you okay?” her best friend asks as she rubs her hands back up her shoulders.

“Uh yeah, I feel a lot better actually. Do you mind if I get up real quick? I need to pee.”

“Weren’t you just in the shower? I mean do you not pee in there? Because I do.” Clarke shrugs.

“I mean sometimes but I didn’t need to then. It just.. kinda hit me. Now let me up.”

“Ugh fine, I was finally getting in my groove,” Clarke swings her leg off Lexa and lays down on her back next to her.

Lexa slides off the bed away from Clarke and quickly covers up her chest with her T-shirt that was crumpled up on the floor. She quickly walks into the bathroom, shutting the bathroom door and leaning onto it with a deep breath. All of her self control disappeared during the massage and Lexa was disappointed in herself. Her goal was to start getting over Clarke, not literally start getting wet from her simply giving her a massage. She felt like she just degraded her best friend by thinking of her in a such a sexual way. Clarke was trying to help Lexa out and all she could do was pretend fuck her in her mind. _Pathetic,_ she shakes her head in disappointment while she finishes cleaning herself up. She walks back into the bedroom and sinks back in the bed next to Clarke.

“Want me to pop some popcorn and we can watch the new Deadpool movie? I think my mom got it on her Vudu account and I’ve heard it’s hilarious.”

“I’m down, but be sure to pop the popcorn an extra like 20 seconds to make it a little burnt for me.” Lexa says as Clarke heads into the kitchen.

“Gross,” Clarke calls over her back.

Lexa licks the popcorn off her fingers and glances over at her best friend, “see, aren’t you glad it was just a little burnt, it makes it taste better.”

“Lexa it just makes it taste burnt, not better,” Clarke argues with a roll of her eyes, “but I’m glad I timed it just right for your taste buds.”

Lexa sticks her tongue out her and focuses back on the movie as Clarke snakes her hand into Lexa’s and cuddles into her side.

“So are you excited for the party tomorrow?”

“Yeah I guess. I’m sure it’ll just be sweaty bodies and loud music but I guess if I’m drunk enough then it’ll be a blast,” Lexa reasons.

“You’re going with Christen right? What’s going on with you two?” Clarke questions.

Lexa shrugs, “nothing. We’re just friends and figured it would be fun to go together.”

Clarke narrows her eyes at Lexa, “she wasn’t just acting like she was your friend earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, she was just a little closer to you than a normal person would be. She was all up in your personal space.”

“No more than you are,” Lexa playfully nudges Clarke’s side, “but she really is just my friend.”

Clarke looks back over at Lexa, “I’m not sure I believe you but okay. I’m just not used to people being as touchy feely with you as I am I guess,” she shrugs.

Lexa clicks the tv off and snuggles further into the sheets, “anyway, are you excited to go to the party with Bellamy?”

Clarke turns onto her side and lays her head on Lexa’s chest, “I’m excited for the party but not excited about being Bell’s bitch for the the night. I’m sure he’s going to expect me to be flirty or something with him-yuck.”

“You’re the one that agreed to it.”

“Ugh I know, hopefully my misery will end fast. You better hang out with me during it too, I want to play some beer pong with you since we didn’t get to at the last party.”

“Okay,” Lexa glances down at Clarke, “will Alex be there?”

“No, he’s got an away game. I obviously wouldn’t pretend to be Bellamy’s date if Alex was going to be there silly.”

“Oh right,” Lexa pretend yawns, “can we go to bed? I’m beat.”

“I suppose,” Clarke nudges Lexa, “turn around and let me be the big spoon.”

Lexa smirks as she turns around and pushes out her ass to hit Clarke right in the stomach, “oops.”

She hears the air get pushed out of Clarke lungs before she starts to chuckle.

“You bitch! You did that on purpose.”

Lexa shrugs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar,” Clarke snuggles into Lexa’s back before wrapping her arm around her midsection, “goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too, Clarke”

 


	5. "I guess I'm a little jealous"

Lexa rubbed her sweaty palms back and forth on her jeans before glancing at the clock on her dashboard, nine-fifty, she flips the light on and double checks her appearance before hopping out of her car. She rechecks her phone for Christen’s address before she begins climbing the stairs to the third floor. The heat, the excess steps, and her nerves begin to get the best of her as she feels a drop of sweat roll down her back. Lexa pushes her hair out of face out of habit before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. It’s been so long since she’s tried to impress anyone, besides Clarke, and those were all futile. She glances down at her Apple Watch, nine-fifty four, _better to be early I guess._

Lexa knocks on the door and takes a step back, before the door is flung open and her teammate Kelley wraps her arms around her. She’s dressed in a robe and Lexa glances around to make sure no one sees them before she pushes Kelley back into the apartment, “you’re not wearing any clothes ya know.”

Kelley shrugs and let’s go of Lexa, “they’ve seen me in less I’m sure.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Lexa glances up to see Christen rounding the corner from the hallway, “Kelley has answered the door multiple times just in her underwear.”

“What can I say, I’m a free spirit,” she backs away looking at Lexa and Christen, “so I’ll see y’all at the party.”

“Try putting some more clothes on,” Lexa yells toward the hallway Kelley disappeared down.

Christen chuckles and turns to face Lexa, “you look super hot by the way.”

Lexa blushes as she takes in Christen’s appearance, she’s wearing black shorts coupled with a white tank top and a red flannel tied around her waist. She has on minimal make up, and her hair is straightened and pulled back into a high ponytail. She hasn’t really checked out anyone in a long time and decides she’s missed this feeling, the excitement and possibilities of trying something with someone new. Confidence begins spreading through her chest, “thanks, you look amazing.”

She steps into Christen’s space and grabs her hand, “you ready to go?”

Christen smiles and squeezes her hand, “definitely.”

“I figured we could walk since its just down the road, is that okay?”

“Yeah, lets do it,” Christen closes the door and they descend down the stairs.

***

“Ugh, of course there’s already guys with their shirts off,” Christen says as they squeeze through the sweaty crowd in the living room.

Lexa tugs Christen the rest of the way through the crowd as they finally step into the kitchen, “well that was eventful. How about a drink?”

“Yes please,” Christen pauses, “actually can we do some shots first, then a maybe a drink? I’m not going to lie, I’m dying to let loose a bit tonight.”

“I will never turn down shots,” Lexa rummages through the houses designated liquor cabinet, “looks like we can choose from either vodka or tequila.”

“Vodka for me, I hate the taste of tequila,” Christen grabs the shot sized mini solo cups and lines up four, two for each of them.

Lexa fills the cups up the brim and sets the glass off to the side, “so I guess we’re doing these back to back?”

“What? Can you not hold your liquor?” Christen teases.

“I could out drink you any day,” she picks up the first cup and clinks them together before knocking it back and going for the second.

“Damn, I always forget how bitter that tastes,” Christen cringes.

Lexa coughs, “yeah and I forgot to get us chasers.” She quickly starts pouring them both mixed drinks together to get the nasty taste out of their mouths.

By the time she’s done and has a quarter of the drink down, she feels the liquid heat hitting her stomach.

She glances over at Christen who is leaning against the kitchen counter looking at her, “do you feel it in your tummy when the alcohol hits?”

Christen giggles, “yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s like you’re sitting there then all of a sudden your stomach feels warm. It mostly only happens with like the first shot or two though, probably because after that I’m starting to feel intoxicated and I barely notice it.”

“Yeah, I like it though. Usually means I’m in for a good night,” Lexa laughs.

“Hey goobers, looks like you guys are ready to turn up,” Kelley says as she bounds into the kitchen dragging Tobin behind her.

“I’m glad to see you put real clothes on, Kelley and hey Tobin,” Lexa smiles as she leans back against the counter and places her arm behind Christen’s back to prop herself up.

Lexa watches Tobin’s eyes follow her movements before she awkwardly waves, “hey guys, what’s up?”

“Just did a few shots. You guys want some?” Christen asks pointing to the vodka sitting on the counter.

“Hell yeah we do! Let’s get this party started,” Kelley grabs some mini solo cups.

Tobin rolls her eyes, “it started like an hour and a half ago, nerd. But yes we would. How many have you guys had?”

“Just two each,” Lexa says as Christen pours them each a shot.

“Then pour us three,” Kelley says while looking at Tobin, “you down?”

“So it’s going to be that kinda night huh?” Tobin chuckles and shakes her head, “yeah pour us three.”

Christen puts the Vodka down and crosses her arms, “is this a competition now?”

“Is what a competition?” Clarke suddenly appears in the room with Raven by her side, she leans into Lexa and gives her big hug, “Hey Lex.”

“Hey, apparently we’re having a competition on who can do the most shots, it sounds like a terrible idea.”

“I’m already 5 deep so y’all got some catching up to do,” Raven bows.

Clarke giggles, “me too.”

“Okay, enough talking about it, lets just take some,” Kelley says after throwing her shot back and grabbing for the bottle to pour her another.

“Anyway, we came to get you guys because we’re about to do body shots downstairs and we need you guys to join, especially you,” Raven winks at Tobin before grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the stairs.

Christen takes a deep breath before muttering, “its going to be a long night,” just low enough for Lexa to hear.

“I think we’d rather get started with some beer pong, actually,” Lexa supplies and looks at Clarke, “you guys in? You and Kelley versus me and Christen?”

Clarke squints her eyes as if to say something to Lexa and then changes course, “yeah sure. Are you any good Kelley?”

The girl in question puffs out her chest and pretends to flex her arm muscles for Clarke. “Who are you kidding? I’m the literally the best on the team.”

Laughter sounds out from both her teammates. “We will see about that,” Christen says as she hops off of the counter and grabs Lexa’s hand before dragging her down the stairs. Lexa quickly tries to descend the stairs without breaking an ankle and hops down on the the basement floor. She sneaks a peak of where a crowd of people are standing and catches a glimpse of Raven licking up Tobins stomach. Lexa winces and feels sympathy spread through her gut. She hopes Christen just kept her head down on the way to the garage.

They get to the ping pong table just as another group is finishing up their game and Kelley quickly claims the table before anyone else could think of it. Kelley lifts up the bottle of Vodka that she carried down with her, “we’re going to make this interesting. If we get two balls back to back then you guys have to take a shot and vise versa. Otherwise, we just take bigs sips of our mixed drinks, deal?”

Lexa stops pouring water into the cups and looks over to Christen for confirmation that she was cool with this. Christen gives a big grin and leans over the ping pong table with a glint in her eye, “deal.”

Lexa watches as Kelley puts her arm around Clarke and brings her into a huddle, it appears she is trying to form some game plan. Lexa rolls her eyes and looks at Christen, “if we play like we did at the last party then we will be unstoppable.”

“I’m hoping we do,” Christen steps closer into her personal space, “if you play well for me, you might get something in return.”

Lexa’s cheeks heat up and she reaches over to grasp the girls hand, “and what uh what would that be?”

Christen shrugs and brings her hand up to kiss it before turning back around to face the table and toss a ping pong ball to Kelley.

Lexa looks up and makes direct eye contact with Clarke, who lifts one perfect eyebrow, her way of saying _what the fuck_ without actually communicating to her.

She quickly averts her gaze down to the red solo cups in front of her, an overwhelming feeling of guilt coiling in her stomach at being caught flirting with Christen. But why? It’s not like she has any reason to feel that way. Clarke isn’t hers and she’s not Clarke’s, that much is abundantly clear to Lexa yet she still has the knot in her stomach and the sense that she’s doing something wrong. She reaches out and grabs her drink, bringing it up to her lips and takes a big swig before trying to refocus on the game that’s started before her.

Lexa watches on as Clarke dips the ball in water before sinking it the cup, resulting in both her and Christen throwing back a shot and giving them the balls back, again. This was already the second shot they have taken and Clarke and Kelley have only taken one, needless to say they needed to step it up. After they missed their next shots, Lexa gathered up her ball and dramatically blew on it to give it good luck before tossing it in the air and watching it spin around the cup, Kelley trying but epically failing to finger the ball out before it hit the water. Kelley cringes and looks over at Clarke, “I’m usually better at that.”

Clarke chuckles and just shakes her head at the other girls antics.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” Kelley winks.

“I’m sure you will, now pay more attention! I’m not in the mood for loosing tonight.”

Lexa watches Kelley straighten her posture before replying, “yes mam!”

Christen picks up her ball and effortlessly makes it into the cup, making them tied with the other team.

Lexa quickly high fives her and watches as Clarke takes her seventh shot of the night. She can tell Clarke is starting to feel the effects of the alcohol in how loose she is being with her words and the way she is starting to dance to the music in the background in between her turns. Lexa tries not to focus on her too much, but it’s hard when you look like Clarke and you can dance. They continue to play until they are each down to one cup, it’s Lexa’s turn to take the shot and as she’s lining up she drags her eyes over to where Clarke is adamantly talking to Kelley about something, seemingly unaware that the game is about to end. Lexa has noticed Kelley getting closer and more unsubtle with her touches with Clarke and it’s making her feel uneasy. Legitimately, she knows that it’s harmless because Clarke won’t reciprocate but Lexa also knows from first hand experience that it doesn’t matter. Being in Clarke’s presence and getting her attention does something to a girl and Lexa can’t even blame Kelley for being drawn to her. However, it doesn’t stop Lexa from getting any less annoyed.

“You know she’s straight right,” Lexa blurts out when she sees Kelley’s eyes dropping to Clarke’s lips.

They both stop what they are doing and look at her over the table.

Lexa can feel Christen’s eyes on her from beside her but refuses to look away from Kelley despite the palpable tension at the table.

Kelley seems to brush it off though, “I don’t think anyone is really straight. I feel like everyone is a bit bisexual.”

“So you don’t think anyone is really gay? We’re just all bisexual?” Christen asks with doubt it her voice.

“I haven’t thought about it that way. But I guess.” Kelley shrugs not convincing herself.

“Wait. Were you just hitting on me?” Clarke asks.

Kelley nods, “yeah why wouldn’t I be? You’re super hott.”

Lexa awkwardly coughs in the background, still feeling uncomfortable with her outburst and Clarke starts laughing.

All of them turn to look at her, “I’m sorry it’s just that Lexa is right. I’m very straight and I had absolutely no clue you were trying to get into my pants. I was just oblivious to it.”

Lexa pretends to be impartial to this conversation and does her best to prevent the sinking feeling in her chest when Clarke states her sexuality, which Lexa already knew. 

Lexa takes a deep breath and watches as Kelley’s face turns red, but it seems she’s not going out without a fight.

“How do you know that for sure? Have you even kissed a girl?”

“No,” Clarke supplies.

“Then how do you know that you won’t like it?”

“I mean I guess I don’t but I have never wanted to so I feel like that kinda answers it for me.”

Lexa lowers her head and prays to all the gods above that this conversation will come to an end.

“Plus,” Clarke continues and motions to her groin, “all of this stuff kinda freaks me out.”

“Typical straight girl comment,” Kelley groans.

“What? Like going down on a girl?” Christen asks.

“Yeah, just all of that down there is just... a lot. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

“Practice,” Christen smirks, “but I’ve also never had an issue with it so maybe it was easier for me. The idea of giving some guy head though... gross.”

“I’m fine with both,” Kelley chimes in.

Lexa awkwardly coughs, “anyway, it looks like this game is over. Christen you wanna go upstairs and dance or something?”

“I’d love too,” Christen grabs Lexa’s hand and waves to Kelley and Clarke, “guess we will have to finish this another time.”

Lexa looks back over at Clarke to give her a half smile but Clarke’s eyes are locked onto their clasped hands. Lexa let’s go and walks over to Clarke, “are we still on for studying tomorrow in the library?”

Clarke nods and crosses her arms, “Am I not going to see you later tonight? You going to be busy?”

“What?” Lexa brows furrow.

“Never mind. Yes, library at noon tomorrow,” Clarke hugs Lexa quickly and heads back into the house with Kelley in tow.

Lexa slowly turns around and walks back over to Christen, “so that whole conversation was painfully awkward and definitely proves that my hope for her is futile.”

“I’m sorry Lexa. However, you were the one that blurted out she was straight,” Christen giggles.

Lexa huffs and rubs her face, “yeah, I don’t know what that was. Anyway, I’m glad it’s over. Let’s go dance and hopefully I can forget that conversation ever happened.”

Christen smiles and laces their fingers together, “hopefully I can distract you a little bit.” They push their way back through the basement and up into the living room where the music is still blaring. Lexa can already feel her back starting to sweat with the amount of people in this room, the stifling smell of alcohol and body odor flowing threw her nose. She feels herself being led into a corner near the tv and Christen laces her hands behind Lexa’s neck, pulling her close and starting a movement with her hips. Lexa quickly follows suit, silently thanking her parents for putting her in dance class when she was younger, thankfully she does have rhythm. Depending on the amount of alcohol she consumes, she doesn’t mind showing off that talent either. Lexa drops her hands to Christen’s hips and tugs her further into her body, effectively bringing their fronts flush together.

“Mmm, someone’s feisty,” Christen whispers in Lexa’s ear while grinding into her thigh.

Lexa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, Clarke flashes before her eyes and she quickly open them back up and staresinto the green eyes in front of her. She sees a few different emotions flowing through them, the one that sticks out for her is the vulnerability swimming in her irises. Lexa knows they both consented to this arrangement while both sober and in clear minds but concern starts bubbling up inside her.

“I can hear you thinking over this music Lexa, is everything okay?” Christen questions and puts space between them. “Did I cross a line or something?”

Lexa snaps out of her thoughts, “no, I’m sorry. I just got a little nervous. We’re both a little intoxicated and I just wanted to make sure you were still okay with this, I don’t want to end up doing something that you regret tomorrow. I noticed Tobin watching how we were interacting earlier in the kitchen and I know Clarke probably already has suspicions about us. We can always pretend that it was nothing tomorrow if they ask-“

“Is that what you want?”

“I-honestly I don’t know. I mean I know in the grand scheme of things that it really doesn’t matter if Clarke thinks I’m with someone or not. It’s just that ever since I realized that I had feelings for her, I haven’t really been with anyone, emotionally or physically. She’s basically always had all of me, without actually knowing that she does. I guess I subconsciously always wanted Clarke to know I wasn’t with anyone else,” Lexa blinks, fulling coming into this realization herself for the first time. “Wow that’s actually really depressing, I’m sorry for just blurting that out.”

“Lexa, don’t apologize for your feelings ever. Please. If anyone understands, it’s me,” Christen puts her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and squeezes.

Lexa flashes her a sad smile. “So my point was that if we continue to dance like this, I’m sure everyone and their mother will eventually know something is going on here,” Lexa motions between the two of them. “I’m not going to be able to keep this PG and I’m wanting to double check that it will be okay with you.”

Christen gives her a soft smile and cocks her head to the side, as if saying she has to think about it. “I’m more than okay with that Lexa, like I said before, I’m tired of waiting and I like you. Don’t worry about me, if anything changes you will be the first to know. I hope you will do the same too.”

Lexa lets out the breathe she was holding and grabs Christen's hand, “of course, I want to do this too. Now, let me go get us some more shots that we don’t care as much about the sweat pouring down our backs while we dance our asses off.” Lexa pushes off through the crowd hearing Christen laugh in the back ground.

They end up spending the majority of the next hour joining Raven and Octavia, dancing like maniacs in the middle of the makeshift dance floor. Raven even makes a dance circle with the majority of the people in the living room, and does the robot in the middle of it. Lexa can feel the sweat tricking down her neck, Christen’s hand on her lower back, and the slight burn from all the jumping and dancing beginning in her thighs. She’s got a huge smile on her face, when the tan girl leans over, “are you having fun?”

“Yes, a lot actually. Are you?”

Christen nods with a smile on her face, “I have to pee though, I’m going to run to the bathroom.”

Lexa watches as the girl disappears through the crowd, before making the decision to follow her. She quietly waits outside of the hallway for Christen to come out of the door, before pushing her back in and locking it behind her.

“Hi,” Lexa says.

“Hey. Any particular reason you locked us in the bathroom Lexa?” Christen questions as she takes a step closer.

Lexa’s back softly hitting the door, as she watches the other forward closing the distance between them. All of her confidence seems to have left her as she begins stammering to answer the girls question.

“I-I thought it would be nice. Ya know, alone time.”

“Right,” Christen breathes in front of her face, she smells like vodka and strawberries. “I like that idea too.”

Lexa is aware of the the heat radiating from Christen’s body but can’t actually feel the girl touching her yet, she tentatively reaches out and runs her hand up Christen’s arm before settling it on her shoulder, giving her one last look before tugging her forward.

Their lips come together slowly, but by no means stay that way. Lexa quickly gets lost in the kiss, pushing forward and lifting Christen off the floor and onto the vanity. She hears the girl moan into her mouth before she gently pulls back and begins biting onto Lexa’s bottom lip. Christen begins trailing kisses down Lexa’s neck, pulling her further into herself by using her legs to wrap around Lexa’s waist.

“Mmm,” Lexa whispers into Christen’s cheek before gasping when she gives her a playful bite near her pulse.

“Looks like I found a kink. I’ll file that away for later,” Christen brings their lips back together and slowly finds her way underneath Lexa’s shirt, splaying her hands across Lexa’s lower back. She feels goosebumps form underneath the wake of Christen’s hands. She reaches up and puts her hands into the tanned girls hair and gives a good tug, eliciting a moan and putting her neck on display. Lexa slowly drags her tongue before sucking a spot into the girls neck and continuing to the other side, her hands still tugging on the girls locks and feeling the other girls hand begin to wonder up her back.

The door handle begins jiggling signaling someone trying to enterthe bathroom, Lexa drags her mouth away from Christen’s neck.

“Hopefully they will go away,” Lexa reconnects their lips and disconnects just as fast when banging begins on the other side of the door.

Christen gives her a lopsided smile before pushing Lexa back and hopping onto the floor, “that was fun but I guess we should let these fools pee.”

Lexa laughs and laces their fingers together, “they probably broke the seal and just peed like ten minutes ago.”

Christen giggles and unlocks the door before pushing it open, Lexa following out behind her before running into Christen’s back.

“What?” Lexa looks up to three pairs of eyes staring at them, no doubt staring at their kiss swollen lips, marks on their necks and messed up hair.

Laughing, the first thing that Lexa hears and her eyes flit over to Kelley’s.

“This is great,” Kelley laughs, “our two bad ass forwards are fucking!”

“Okay, seriously Kelley?” Christen says.

“Why didn’t you tell me roomie?”

“It’s-it’s not like that-“

“Right, then why are you acting like we caught you guys doing something in there?” Kelley questions and looks over to Clarke and Tobin for reassurance.

Lexa can feel Clarke’s eyes boring into her head, but refuses to look her way. I mean she’s not doing anything wrong right? She looks over to Tobin and sees her eyes wide and filled with sadness looking straight at Christen. _Fuck this_. Why are they allowed to look at her and Christen like they did something they weren’t supposed to? When Lexa knows for a fact that they didn’t. They decided to do this to make themselves feel better and hopefully forget about their issues with the two people in front of them. Clarke and Tobin aren’t allowed to take the high away from this. Lexa decides she’s not going to allow herself to feel guilty about it  and hopefully Christen feels the same.

Lexa shrugs, “you did. It was fun. And now we are leaving.” Lexa tugs on Christen’s arm and squeezes past Tobin in the small hallway. Kelley letting out a wolf whistle as they pass by.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Clarke,” Lexa says as she passes her in the hallway.

“Yeah, have a good night.”

Lexa can’t decide the emotion that she hears behind that statement but all in all decided it’s not a good one.

After they get out of the house and get fresh air into their lungs from the walk back to Christen’s, they both decide it’s best to end the night and get some rest. It was an eventful night, and after the up-tenth time Christen finally convinced Lexa that everything was okay and she wasn’t mad about what happened.

“I liked kissing in the bathroom Lexa, you didn’t pressure me into anything okay? Understand that. And I’m not mad about them seeing. Maybe it was good for them,” Christen shrugged and gave Lexa a goodbye kiss before retreating up the stairs to her apartment.

***

Lexa pushes through the library doors with her Yeti in hand, quickly scanning the library for blonde hair. She glances down at her watch and realizes she’s about ten minutes late, she couldn’t quit hitting snooze this morning. The library is pretty busy and Lexa comes to the conclusion that Clarke is probably hidden away in one of the new study rooms. She peeks through the last study room and sees her best friend sitting with a stack of nursing books and flash cards in front of her.

“Hey, looks like your already three books in,” Lexa comments as she sits her book bag down and begins pulling her MacBook out.

“Yeah,” Clarke responds and puts her head back down to continue reading.

Lexa shrugs off her short comment and sits down to begin her studying. She grabs her Bose headphones and throws them on while pressing play on her new playlist mostly made up of Halsey, Jon Bellion, and Kehlani.

After an hour, Lexa notices Clarke beginning to stretch and get up to move to the white board in the corner of the room.

“What’re you learning about now?” Lexa asks.

“The endocrine system.”

“Sounds interesting..”

“Yeah,” Clarke mumbles as she starts making bullet points about the pituitary gland.

“Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Clarke, you’re my best friend I think I know when you are lying,” Lexa accuses.

“Am I though?”

Lexa’s brow furrows and she takes her headphones off from around neck.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, did you have fun last night?” Clarke asks.

“Yeah,” Lexa says tentatively.

“Yeah it looks like it,” Clarke looks pointedly at the small hickey on Lexa’s neck.

“Okay. Seriously, what going on? You acted weird last night and now your being cold to me. Tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

Clarke stays silent and continues to write down her notes on the white board.

“Is this about Christen?” Lexa asks.

“Of course it’s about her, what else would it be about?”

“I-I don’t know. Do you not like her?”

“She’s fine Lex, she’s gorgeous and she’s nice. It’s not about that.”

Lexa looks down at her hands. _Is Clarke jealous?_

“Okay, then what’s it’s about?”

Clarke takes a deep breathe and pops the cap back onto the marker before turning around to face her.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure why I was so angry at first because I’m never angry at you. I mean we’ve never really been in a fight.”

Lexa makes an agreeing noise and motions for her to continue.

“I think I’m mostly mad because you lied to me, I specifically asked you the other night if you guys were something and you told me no. You said yourself that we’re best friends so why didn’t you just tell me you liked her?”

Lexa pushes her hair out of her face and lets the breath out that she has been holding. “I’m sorry, at the time it wasn’t really a lie because we really weren’t anything. Last night was the first time that me and Christen acknowledged that there was anything between us. I promise.”

“Okay,” Clarke turns back to the white board and starts doodling off to the side.

“Okay, that’s all you want to say?”

Clarke lowers her head before mumbling out, “I guess I’m a little jealous too.”

Lexa heart leaps in her chest and she starts playing with the little piece of paper in the corner of her note book.

“Oh, why?”

Clarke huffs, “you spent basically the whole night with her and hardly spared me a glance. I’m used to having you all to myself and that wasn’t the case last night. You haven’t dated anyone since we have been best friends so I guess I’m just not accustomed to it.”

Lexa stays silent trying to digest the conversation, her mind going back to last night when she told Christen almost the exact same thing except from her mind instead of Clarke’s.

“Listen, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you,” Clarke puts the marker down and moves over behind Lexa before placing her hands on her shoulders.

“I don’t usually get jealous so this is new territory for me but I promise to fix it, you deserve to be with someone without your best friend being an asshole. Let’s just have a good day studying and forget this conversation?”

“Okay,” is all Lexa is able to squeak out, her heart aching with the thought that Clarke is jealous for her, just not in the right way.

“Okay,” Clarke echoes, “I love you Lex.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
